Motorcycle Mayhem
by chaann
Summary: AU - Deidara wants a motorcycle and Sasori is all about the "No". Sasodei


"You got that license for no reason! There is absolutely no way you are buying one!"

Deidara glanced the little card that he came home with about an hour prior to all the fuss, "I don't see why I can't! I know how to ride one, I have the documents, now I just need the bike, un!" he hissed.

Sasori had just woken up from his midday nap and was as cranky as ever. Still, he glared up from his newspaper and stared directly at his husband, Deidara. Deidara simply hummed happily as he continued to scroll through the online advertisements on his tablet, every moment or so making slights gasps of delight at the sheer beauty of,

"Look! Look at this motorcycle, un!" Deidara shrieked shoving the electronic into his oh so pissy-partner's face.

Angrily but gently, Sasori shoved the thing away, lest they drop and break another one of the damn expensive things. Looking at what he was being shown, the monstrosity practically screamed his boyfriends name. It was a shiny, slim two seater with a bright glittery blue paint job.

"Isn't the paint so cool? All it needs is a bomb decal and she can be called my 'Bombshell Beauty'! A dream come true!"

Sasori rolled his eyes hard. So why couldn't he just get that kind of paint on his car and slam a decal on that? Because Deidara wanted a damn motorcycle for the past year after trying one out for a spin at a car and motorbike show. He just was waiting for the weather to turn nice, in other words, not winter/early spring to actually get one. If he knew about this desire the blond had before they had got engaged and married, Sasori would have for sure made some more requirements before saying yes. Unfortunately this was a new thing and he was far from pleased,

"Deidara for the last time, I don't want you to get a motorcycle!"

Deidara waved the license and whined pathetically as if the card would help his case, "But Danna~"

"Brat!" Sasori growled as he smacked it out of his hands letting it fall onto the table top.

The whining didn't help, that's for sure.

Staring at each other angrily, Deidara was the first to pull away looking back to his perfect-dreamy-lovely Bombshell Beauty. Man was this bike ever cool! What did Sasori know about cool? Nothing! Nada! Not a thing! Why wasn't he allowed to have nice things!It's just a good thing he's so cute. Being a devoted lover was good too... And the fact the man could cook a solid meal was very attractive in Deidara's eyes- wowwie zowwie!

However! In Deidara's defense, this bike one was a money-wise deal of a life time! And it was so pretty! And it would be so fun! And he would look so totally absolutely cool driving it! Shirtless with his sick new leather vest on, hair blowing in the wind with a smitten Sasori behind him, wrapped tightly around his waist.

Deidara rattled his feet under the table; oh he just had to own one!

"Danna, what if I use my own separate money?" Deidara bartered. "You know, the stuff not in our joint account. My art egg."

Each of the boys were allowed a separate account for their own art-filled uses that the other couldn't touch. Apparently Sasori didn't want to fund art that was going to be destroyed anyway and Deidara vice versa didn't want to fund art that was not getting 'turned into true art'. Sometimes though they would dig into the art-funds and buy each other gifts or splurge on something the other detested like Deidara's grape soda or Sasori's black licorice. So what really was the difference between a bottle of grape soda and a motorcycle? I mean, REALLY.

"No!" Sasori hissed. "I will not have you driving one of those loud, dangerous monstrosity,"

Whimpering Deidara looked down at the ad with a faulty cower, "But it's such a great deal...and... and I want it."

"Yeah?" Sasori let out a crude guffaw, "But it'll need to be taken care of very well. Repairs, cleaning, a protective spot while we don't have a garage or car port!"

"I-I can figure out a plan, un!"

"Deidara, I said no!" Sasori slammed his hand down on the table now, "What happens if you get hurt? You break your back and are paralyzed for life! Crack your skull open! Then what, huh!? How will I support you when you're a vegetable, let alone a dead corpse!"

"Unnnn...~" Deidara whined before turning back to the ad sadly. Looking back up he whimpered with his bottom jutted out in a small pout.

Sasori fumed at the pathetic little face his beloved was making. He often made the face just to get what he wanted. At first it worked, no problem. However as of recently their, well Sasori's, friend Itachi told him the blonds form of certain means of manipulation. Well of course Deidara was furious his cover was blown, but that didn't mean he still wasn't going to keep trying!

To Sasori though? Screw that puppy dog face now!

"Fine! You know what? Get a damn motorcycle. Who cares about your well being, your life, our future life together. Who the hell cares what I even think! However- if you have any respect for me, you will not get one!"

Deidara's eyes went wide and his lips formed a straight line. Putting the tablet down he stormed out of the kitchen in what Sasori assumed to be in a hissy fit of rage. The redhead had no intention of following the hothead when he was upset. For now it would be best if he left his boyfriend alone to unwind and relax, or rather blow off some steam at the gym or the track as he ran screaming like a fool. Just like when they'd cool off after they fought about art.

It's just...

It was when Deidara didn't come home that night...Sasori began to get really worried. And then the next day rolled on with uncertainty as he feared his beloved blond was never coming home due to being mad at him for not letting him get the stupid motorcycle.

Sasori was in the right though! Not Deidara! He was just trying to keep the love of his life safe and out the grave. Or vegetative state. How dare Deidara even argue with him based on that! All Sasori was thinking about was Deidara's well being, plus a little bit of his own. Is that really so bad?

Finally giving up his time of gazing out the window, Sasori sighed and turned back to the muted TV. Turning the mute off he watched on as a missing persons report was flashed by featuring an elderly man with dementia. A quick thought went passed his mind making him actually consider sending a similar one in for Deidara of the guy wasn't home by dinner time.

Yes. A missing blond idiot. Please help find this lost moron and return him so his husband could kick his ass! They were practically still newly weds, this wasn't how things were supposed to be.

What didn't help was the next news story featuring a car accident that was currently being shown via helicopter and the cleaning process. If car accidents were this bad, just imagine a motorcycle one!

He shuddered.

Watching on, Sasori glanced out the window nearby every so often; still hoping Deidara would come home. Soon enough, his eyes began to droop and he fell asleep on the couch, dreaming. Sweetly dreaming.

Until he started dreaming of motorcycles. Deidara was driving it, shirtless with his long blond hair flowing freely through the wind. The sun beating down on his tan skin as sweat glistened down his forearms and chest. Is this what Deidara dreamed and longed for when he thought of the bikes? This sexy, sexy image...

The wind , the rush, the roar!

The roar... The roar?

Slowly waking up, Sasori furrowed his eyes. It really and honestly sounded like a real life motorcycle! And for some reason the noise was getting louder each and every moment.

Sitting up and looking out the window, Sasori's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped at the sight. In an instant he was at the front door with not a look of joy that his darling came home, but rather his fists curled into tight balls and his teeth gnashed in a nasty snarl.

"Oh hey Danna, I'm home! Look at what I got, un." Deidara called out as he took off his helmet. "The guy I even bought it from even said I'm a natural at driving one of these things, un. And look! Not a scratch on me! Not bad, huh? Haha!"

Sasori glared at both Deidara and the bike. He heard none of that last bit and instead fumed, "How DARE you get a motorcycle!"

"But you gave in! You said I could get one!" Deidara whined loudly as he got off the bike.

Sasori thought back to a day prior; when had he agreed to anything? He continued to gnash his teeth and even went as to smack his forehead violently a few times in frustration. "Where the hell is your car at least?" he hissed.

"The guy said I could leave it on his property until I could bring you by to take it home. Wasn't that nice of him, un?"

Sasori grumbled but was at least thankful Deidara hadn't traded the car for the bike. Still he thought, when did he give in for getting the bike? The last thing he had said was, "If you have any respect for me you will not buy that bike!"

Oh... Ohhhh.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

Rushing at Deidara, Sasori made the lunge sending Deidara running and screaming down the street. What Deidara didn't expect though was for Sasori to be hot on his trail. He didn't even know his partner of four years and husband of one could run that fast! Sasori looked so furious it was terrifying. Teeth snarled, face red, hair flying and foam practically coming from the corners of his mouth.

Deidara couldn't help but scream like he was about to get murdered. At this point he honestly believed it and Sasori was probably highly considering it. Anyone who saw would say the same; that blond guy is going to die. At least their neighbors were more than used to this than to actually think Deidara was in any real danger. Unfortunately though that meant the day Sasori actually snapped they would take no note of Deidara's pleas for help that he's being made into a human puppet of the sort.

"Get back h-here you damn braaat!"

"Nooo!"

"I'm gonna get youuu!"

"You said I could buyyyy it!"

Rushing through the local park, Deidara stumbled over a dirt patch but regained his step. As he glanced back he watched as Sasori avoided it with ease by leaping over it so majestically. Was this what Sasori was like when his was going to kill and gut someone?Maybe this was the day he was going to become a human puppet... Or something else morbid of the sort.

Suddenly with one more leap from Sasori, both of them were on the ground tumbling as he tackled Deidara. Again if the circumstances were different, Deidara would be more than impressed, he'd be swooning over how cool and tough his man was.

HOWEVER, on the other hand, it was less than attractive when it was happening to him. What did he even do wrong in the first place? Sasori said he could buy it if he cared what he thought! Which he clearly never did. If he cared what the redhead thought during their spats about art they would NEVER end. Their relationship would be one of pure maliciousness rather than quirky spats and love. So in his defense he was protecting their love by lowering the bar of respect for Sasori. He was the good guy!

Struggling under his partner, Deidara sent a swift but gentle knee to his husbands gut, still making him flinch a moment. Deidara took that moment and with a quick roll was out off the ground and behind the closest tree- Sasori back up and hot on his track.

"Get...back...here...you..." Sasori huffed, tiredly lunging for an equally tired Deidara who was moving around the tree just as much as Sasori followed him.

Around and around the tree they went, screaming and hollering at one another. What was being yelled was utter jibberish as their slurred pants made each word un-legible to anyone else at the park. Very few paid attention and instead rolled their eyes as yet again their neighbor Deidara did SOMETHING stupid from what they were witnessing.

They all had enough with the young mans constant explosions to be frank.

"Ahgattamit yurr haaah gah...braah...youu...fisssin yur...dieeeee...ahh." Sasori panted, still chasing Deidara but in heavy long strides around the tree.

Deidara moved and spoke the same, "Whaatit yur...leal? Yassay I...an da...bike...yea...n-now I dieeee?"

"Dieeee..."

"Dieeee?"

"Dieee."

Both men panted, giving up, each on one side of the wide tree.

Deidara finally caught his breath first, not having had the knee to the stomach, "Isn't it a little too early in the morning f-for...this?"

"You...die."

"I get it. I'm gonna... Die." Deidara spoke, coughing in between words.

Sasori growled, "I said if you had any respect for me... You wouldn't get that bike."

"How come everything I like or want isn't good enough for you?"

"Because I love you and know what's best for you."

Deidara snarled, "But all these things I like make up me. How can you say you love me yet deny me the things that make me, me?"

Sasori chewed his bottom lip and narrowed his eyes. Deidara was kind of right. Who planned their wedding? He did. Who picked out their house? He did. Who decorated the house? He did. Who picked out the car Deidara even drove in the first place? He did. Heck, most of the time Deidara didn't even get to pick what he wanted to eat since he cooked. Also, who takes away bags of potato chips and replaces them with health crisps? He does!

"I just wanted one thing for me. Something cool I could enjoy. Sure I'd just love for you to enjoy it with me, but I know you don't like that kinda stuff."

"Damn right."

"Why couldn't I get a bike? Have I ever gotten in a car accident?"

Sasori sighed, "No."

"Do I get into road rage fights?"

Sasori bit his lip and turned a little pink, "No."

"Who has though, un?"

Sasori's eyes wandered, "Me..."

Deidara grabbed his husbands hand and squeezed it, "Honey, if you can come on the bike with be and you don't have fun, I will try to return the bike or sell it."

Mouth forming a straight line, Sasori kept a neutral face, one that not even someone knowing him for many many years could fathom of reading. The neutral face made Deidara bite his own lip in nervousness. What if his husband shot the idea down and yelled at him some more? That sure sounded like a Sasori kinda thing to do.

"Alright then."

Deidara's ears perked in disbelief that he just had to hear it again, "Wha... Could you repeat that?"

"I said okay. But don't ever think of pulling something this stupid with me and don't you ever think I'm being unreasonable ever again."

Deidara wanted to point out the contradiction in his partners words but didn't. He was basically still on probation. Thin ice. A tight rope. At any instant everything could come crashing down on him. And so on.

"Thank you, Danna." Deidara spoke politely, not even going for a kiss or loving gesture. Sasori was still mad and he didn't think it was the best idea to tease the beast right now. "Let's head home and go for a ride, un.

Watching his husband get a leather vest on was strange. Sure it was strange because he didn't know Deidara had even owned one, but the fact that Deidara wasn't even wearing a shirt? His tan skin and tattoos showing, long blond hair flowing from underneath his skull cap style helmet, sitting atop the motorbike in his tight jeans and large black boots. Even the fact it had now been two days since Deidara had last shaved. Unfortunately Sasori couldn't say he wasn't fond of the look. Deidara looked so masculine and sexy.

"So are you gonna put the helmet on or not?"

Sasori snapped out of it, "Excuse me?"

"Um, I'd prefer if if you wore the helmet. Not that I don't trust my driving skills as to not keep you safe, but it, makes me comfortable knowing you do have some sort of protection. Also it's the law."

"Yeah." Sasori nodded, slipping the cap helmet on and clasping it shut.

"Danna, catch!"

Looking up, Sasori gasped as something big and black was thrown at him. Expecting the thing to hurt, he was surprised to feel nothing but a soft weight.

"I kinda got that for you... For you to wear when I'd drive us around for bike rides and dates, un."

Sasori unraveled the black and there was a pretty sick looking leather jacket of his own. On the back was a gnarly bloody patch saying 'puppet master'.

It was too cool of a thing for Sasori to ever dream of owning. Absolutely NOT his style. Which made it all the more thrilling.

"Thanks." Sasori spoke numbly putting the jacket on.

Deidara sighed as he saw his biker babe of a husband, "My god you look sexy."

Sasori tucked his head down and moved beside the bike awaiting further instructions, "Whatever."

"Uh, sorry. So I'll hold the bike steady and you climb on, un."

Nodding again, Sasori did as he was told an hopped up on the back seat of the bike. Now he was lost again. Where did his hands go? How did he hold on? This was getting more and more dangerous by the minute!

"So Danna, behind you are two metal bars you can hold onto if you want to sit up straight. Or if you want to be closer to me, you could, y'know, hold onto my waist?"

Sasori chose the handles. And not Deidara's handles by the way.

"Okay! Let's get going!"

"Hm."

Taking off down the street, two and fro, Deidara ended up taking them onto the freeway causing great concern from Sasori. Freeway speeds? On a bike?! Where was Deidara even taking him! He wanted to ask question but with a quick zoom; off they went zipping, making an exit onto the highway.

"Dei-"

"Here we go!"

Sasori's hands may have been drenched with sweat and his teeth grinding in fear, but he couldn't deny he adored hearing the muffled cries of joy as Deidara hooted and hollered as he drove. The fact that his mouth was bound to fill up with bugs also seemed to bring Sasori an incredible amount of joy as well. Looking up from Deidara's back now, Sasori marveled at the sights of nature as they got further and further away from town. Zooming past the mountain side, past a field of sheep and a small river that soon led to the ocean. It was so incredible he didn't even notice his stomach growling for what was shockingly almost dinner time.

"Deidara!" Sasori called out as they pulled into a small town, stopping at a red light.

"Mm?"

"Let's stop here! I'm hungry!"

Deidara grunted in response and pulled into what looked like a kitschy diner. It had a redneck retro charm about it and either the food was too delicious for the couple to talk, they were too hungry to talk, or Sasori was still not really talking to the blond.

"We should... Head back now, huh?" Deidara spoke quietly, taking a drink and paying for the meal at the same time.

"Yes."

A bathroom break, a gas refill later and then two were back on the road.

Sasori changed his position from holding onto the handles, to now wrapping his arms around his husbands waist. He could feel Deidara's abdomen clench and relax at the subtle action. Sasori pursed his lips and let his head press against the leather clad back as he gazed off into the sunset.

It made his abdomen flex; even twist and turn. Strange because he usually only felt this when... How peculiar.

Back into town and into their slice of the suburb, they were safely back in their driveway after a day long trip to nowhere and back.

"That was amazing, un." Deidara spoke in a hush tone. His back hurt, his body was still vibrating from the motor and his palms were so sweaty they soaked his gloves.

Sasori got off first quietly and took a few steps back, as if to judge the day they had just spent together. Because that's exactly what he was going to do.

Deidara got off, removed his cap and tussled his long hair into a complete mess. He bit his lip shyly and looked towards his judgmental husband, "So, what did you think."

Pressing his hands together in front of his mouth Sasori hummed. Then with slow and long strides he circled both the bike and Deidara. He actually did this a few times, clacking his teeth every now and then.

"Deidara."

Swallowing the hard lump of worry, "Yeah?" Deidara asked fidgeting nervously in his biker boots.

"I'm incredibly horny."

Deidara almost choked, not to mention fall over.

"Excuse me!?"

"You look positively sexy, that was exhilarating, and now I'm left with the cold hard reality that is a burning passion to throw you onto our mattress and have my way with you."

Jaw slack, Deidara looked between the bike and Sasori, "So... Do, do I get to keep it?"

"Only if we do more things like this today."

Deidara smiles wide, "Of course!"

"And that you never dress like that again." Sasori cringed in disgust, "You look so rugged and handsome. I hate it. Can't focus in public."

"Ah-"

"Let's have sex now."

Sure the neighbors were used to the loud bickering and artistic explosions. However now they would have to add the roar of a motorbike to the mix. They could only roll their eyes and grit their teeth with a smile, knowing Deidara's husband Sasori was having a much worse time. Unfortunately for them though, they were absolutely wrong. The person most happy of all was Sasori as his handsome biker man never failed to make his mouth water and panties drop. Besides, what's a little extra noise from Deidara when Sasori could make just as much noise back.

* * *

winky face winky face. Sasori's fav game to play is sexy cop vs naughty biker man btw. oh how noisy Sasori gets hahah. bye loserssss!


End file.
